I am a hypocrite. I have often professed I would never do what “he or she just did”…when in fact, I have or probably will. Hence, this writing is not about my astute awareness that I needed a Savior – it is coming from a place of “the end of me.”
When this all began, I had been clean and sober about 34 years. I was, and am, an active member of Alcoholic Anonymous. I believed in God, but not the whole “Jesus” thing – as I referred to it. It didn’t matter what I was thinking about Jesus, God would not let me alone about Him. I knew something needed to change in me spiritually, but did not know what exactly. Through a suggestion from a nephew of mine, who was not a Christian, I started to listen to Joel Osteen. He would always end his sermons with, “Find a Bible-based church…” After a few months, I felt compelled to get a Bible and to actually read it – or at least, some of it.
I knew my niece Shelby was a Christian and so I asked her to suggest the best Bible for a beginner like me. There were several reading plans, so I chose one that was simple and basic. For the next 4 months, I doubt a missed more than 2 days of reading the Bible. Slowly, something started to happen – I found myself wanting more. These words, His Word, stirred something in me. Hence, the next step for this “no way I am going to church” woman was to find a Bible-based church! Crazy right?!!
Before I found a church, I went to a trusted friend of mine in recovery – I knew him to be a Christian. I asked him, “Why do I need to believe in Jesus?” He gently replied, “Cindy, I can only tell you that life is different with Him.”
It wasn’t so much what he said that spoke to me, it was the way he said it (The Lord working behind the scenes). So – here I am deciding it is time to find a church. People who knew me well could not believe I was going to go to church – especially my husband Jon and my sister Peggy. After visiting a few, I spoke to a pastor who literally lives across the street from us. It was a brief conversation, but one that did not turn me off. I ended up going to his church a couple of weeks later.
As soon as I walked into the sanctuary, a clear voice in my mind said, “This is where you belong.” Immediately, a peace settled over me, and in me, in a way I had never felt before. Still skeptical, I sat in the back – ready to leave at any moment. As the service began, I fell in love with the music. Lots of tears started streaming down my face. I could not stop myself. So much grief, sadness, disappointment, and despair funneling through my tears. To keep things brief, this one decision – to go to church, to do something I swore I would never do – changed me, changed my life, changed my purpose, and showed me (& continues to show me) who I really am….not who I thought I was.
In closing, I want to tell this brief story. A friend of mine, she is a Christian, was pouring her heart out to me about her life. She has the role in her family as the “responsible one, the one who gets things done.” There was great sadness in her as she told all of the situations she was managing…no time for herself. A great weight fell over her face…trying to manage all these people and situations. All I know is that – Jesus must be first; He wants ALL of us…to be the center in every part of our lives. He wants time with us. He delights in us! Second, to be steeped in His Word. This is how I am to live in order to represent Him and to honor Him, not myself. The self can never satisfy the self. Third, to become immersed in a community of believers. Do these 3 things & I guarantee your life will change! Being a Christian is not easy. Loving the Lord does not mean – no pain. It means loving Him and going to Him in the midst of great hardships. He is faithful – read His promises. Truly amazing. I had not idea. My journey began with the Bible. This is “Why Jesus!”